farina | Waiting for the Rain

Title: Waiting for the Rain
Fandom: Fire Emblem 7
Words: 1,083 words
Summary: On their journey back to Sacae, Lyn asks Kent a question that helps them both come to an understanding.
Pairing/Character: Kent/Lyn
Extra Info: This was originally written for @arthoure from the prompt "Kent and Lyn's journey back to Sacae. Slice of life." It was first posted on February 19, 2012 and was 545 words long.
Rating: T
Genre: Romance, angst, courtly love undertones.

This story was chosen for a rewrite because it won another poll on Tumblr (somehow)!

Thank you to @trash-god for the beta work. 💚

Notes:

I guess the biggest note here is: the original story was largely lost in this rewrite. According to @trash-god, "compared to the original it's almost like a different author wrote it." To be clear, this is a good thing.

It's not that I think the original was bad; my notes on it pretty clearly state that I thought it would need some work but had a good concept going for it. Anyway, when I'm doing these rewrites I'm mostly thinking of how I might approach the story if I was writing it now (versus how it was actually written).

When I did that for this story, I came away from the original with a couple of really good ideas—mostly surrounding two points that were brought up in the original reviews left for this story.

Kent's fear that loneliness would keep them together even if things got bad, and
The idea that Kent would be aware that propriety and titles might get in the way of him being a good partner for Lyn.

In the original the first point was made well enough, but the second was tied to him being afraid of not being good enough to be [more than a lover]. I discarded that idea because, I feel like in the more courtly-love-esque background I gave them, here, the story begins with them being more than lovers.

Anyway, the new themes for this story based on those two points came to me so quickly it even surprised me. I feel like people don't really give Kent much credit as a character. Everyone thinks he's boring and has little to recommend him, but I don't really believe that's true. Kent is extremely successful at a young age and notably disciplined/hard-working (which can come off a little flat), but it's important to note that he dedicates himself wholly to Lyn in his supports with her and as a result of this agrees to leave all of it to remain at her side. That's a pretty big deal!

When I wrote this story originally I had never done such a thing myself, and in fact I would not do that very thing until almost four years later. Even in a more modern context, coming to this decision was difficult and actually following through on it was stressful. I dunno, man. I think a character like that has a few interesting components worth exploring—especially if you take the time to write him as if he could be a real person capable of feeling real emotions (both good and bad).

In light of those earlier two points being brought to the forefront of the story, I had to craft a situation where they felt like the biggest issues to come with "leaving everything you've ever known for the unknown." While all of my ideas didn't make it into the story (there just wasn't room to include everything without bogging it down and making it boring), I did try to fit in a few hints. I really wanted to highlight that these fears are reasonable things for someone like Kent to struggle with, particularly propriety acting as a legitimate potential roadblock, rather than the usual KentLyn fare of "teehee it's funny if he can't remember to call her only by her name" or "it's hot if he calls her Lady Lyndis when they're intimate."

And I mean, don't get me wrong. The former can be funny in some circumstances and the latter can definitely be hot (heehee), but in a story like this I wanted to try something that sits outside of that realm and rests more in angst: "they're both tired of propriety but have been beholden to it for so long it's hard to remember it doesn't govern them anymore." And Kent especially struggles with it.

The backstory, for those curious, is more or less that, rather than die quickly, Marquess Hausen took a downward turn and not only lost some of his physical health, but also his mental faculties. Basically, he suffered from dementia. I really wanted to include this in the story to some degree (by having him recognize Lyn as Madelyn, completely forgetting who Lyn actually is, and also failing to recognize his loyal retainers of the last few years), but I just couldn't fit it in cleanly without it sounding clumsy.

Anyway, Hausen's unstable mental health also spells trouble for Kent and Lyn's (quiet, somewhat courtly love) relationship because mentally Hausen is backsliding into seeing Lyn as Madelyn and sometimes he still imagines she's in love with someone he doesn't approve of (because he is remembering Hassar). Due to the fact that he oftentimes doesn't recognize Kent anymore, the price of getting caught doing anything together kind of skyrockets; they can't really predict how he might react, but they can guess that it will be bad due to how poorly he is doing.

Thus, they have this mostly courtly love romance going on, where they try to find moments to at least have something for themselves. And this goes on for several years (which I hope came across in the rewrite, as it was intended to).

So by the time they get out of this situation, they're both rather beaten down by it. Lyn is determined to put it behind her, but Kent struggles to put himself in a mindset where it feels natural to engage in a lot of physical contact outside of periods of intentional intimacy (which is a nice way of saying they've had sex before this story takes place, but sex didn't fix him).

I don't actually think Kent's issues are that big of a deal to Lyn (though if it went on too long she would certainly despair), but from Kent's perspective: he literally gave up everything but Lyn to be here. SHE IS ALL HE HAS. He wants this to work. And he loves her so much that so many factors being out of his control or unknowable make him anxious. He doesn't want to disappoint her. He doesn't want to fail her. And he's afraid that his own habits—born more or less of survival when they had to be careful—will cause her to resent him.

Like he thinks she shouldn't have to remind him. It's a small thing. He knows it is. He understands that now. He should just do it; he shouldn't have to think about it or be told to do these little things that come naturally to everyone else. And that he's not immediately able to shed those literal years of what was essentially trauma to figure it out makes him feel ashamed.

I think you and I both know he's not being fair to himself, but he has little perspective to guide him on this path and imagines with the thing that kept them apart for so long gone, that he should simply adapt to the new rules effortlessly, instantly.

He should think about it like he's breaking one habit and forming a new one; he just needs more time is all (time to feel safe and time to grow comfortable). But he also needs to feel that it's okay to take that time, which is how this gets resolved—not with him explicitly saying, "I'm afraid you're going to resent me because I'm struggling with this thing I don't even want to struggle with," but with them reaffirming that they are on this path together and that they still love one another. Lyn understands that he needs time (and a reminder, now and again).

AND IT IS MY HOPE that even if you hadn't read that part about the backstory I had in mind, you still got the impression that they were being so careful in Caelin for a reason (especially with Lyn mentioning his integrity; if she's the one pushing him against a wall to kiss him, it makes it much harder to place blame on Kent) and now that they are finally out of that situation he's just not adapting as quickly to this "new normal" as he wants and he struggles with this.

The original version of this story was a pretty bare-bones "This is your last chance to change your mind" kind of a story, and while that wasn't a bad approach, I felt that a better one would be to skew the rewrite toward that original "slice of life" prompt: there's a full history between these characters that has shaped them and we're not fully privy to it, but we get to see a moment between them where they tackle their fears and communicate a little and come out the other side a bit better for it.

Oh, and angst. The original was marked as "angst/romance" as well, but I felt like I should lean into it a bit more, here, because both of these characters are pretty vulnerable at this particular point in time.

In the original Lyn just kind of asks him if he's okay out of nowhere, but I wanted it to feel like she had a reason to ask it, here—especially after everything they've been through. Kent's hesitation and the way he doesn't answer her question ("For what?") tell her he's struggling, and this digs at her own insecurities (which we do understand a little, through Kent's eyes).

Anyway, it wasn't my intention to over-explain this story to anyone. I'm just really excited that I deviated so far from the original while still managing to write what I hope is a much more solid story.

Tiny bits of the original remain, but so much of this is new! The biggest change I made was not just in the backstory I crafted to build this story from, but also in the echo of their supports—in him realizing that even though he's been showing her his heart hasn't changed through all those difficult years of waiting, that now that they're free of the castle and he's only beholden to her, she probably needs to hear it from him, too. Not just that this is what he wants for himself, but that he wants it because he loves her.

If you read this far, I hope you enjoyed the story and the notes! I have zero intention of writing that backstory out as a real story but if a bunch of people express interest, well...you never know. (I'm easily persuaded...what can I say?)

Waiting for the Rain | Fire Emblem 7